Sunday, October 23, 2016

reinDeer REJECTS! (#it'sNeverTooEarly)

For those that know me well, know that I LOVE to jumpStart the holidays a *little* early i.e. The tree will be going up Nov. 01 + only wait that long, because Jen insists that we wait until after Halloween;).
In that spirit-- based on the little-known Christmas tradition, that during the three months preceding the holiday season there are tryouts for Santa's team of reindeer-- I've decided to start a series of reindeer that were rejected for the team for various reasons, which I'll be collecting in this post.

Without further ado, here is reject #1...
reinDeer REJECT_01 disqualifications: Illegal use of wings, too much drooling

reinDeer REJECT_02 disqualifications: fraternizing inappropriately w/ the elves and generally a bad influence. Last seen searching for romance on Sugar Beach, Maui.
reinDeer REJECT_05 disqualifications: A real wild card, with no regard for safety. Last seen showboating above Montepulciano.
reinDeer REJECT_04, disqualifications: Too many antlers (makes the elves uncomfortable), dripping a probable radioactive substance from his mouth cavity, and a bad case of pink eye.Last spotted @ Mt. Baker in 2015.

reinDeer REJECT_03, disqualifications: Large size intimidates co-workers, drooling & anger issues, feasts upon human beings due to abnormal dietary restrictions. Last spotted in Whistler BC.
reinDeer REJECT_03, was feeling a bit cramped, so here he is in 'PANOVISION'!
reinDeer REJECT_08, disqualifications: Illegal use of back fins, distractingly-longish tail, spots of the wrong color, and misshapen antlers. Last spotted just south of Buonconvento, Italy nibbling on honey bees.
reinDeer REJECT_10, disqualifications: Easily distracted, unrealistic expectations, back scales (what is up with that?), + lizard-like tail. Last spotted on Blackcomb Mountain, BC.
reinDeer REJECT_09. 'Ol' Pretty Boy', disqualifications: 'Aesthetically- challenged', insufficient antler tine quantity, and those back scales are EXTREMELY illegal (not sure why he even entered the contest). Last spotted @ Mammoth Mountain, CA ~10 years ago.
reinDeer REJECT_13, Disqualifications: much, muCH, MUCH too LARGE, inconsiderate of neighbors' property (see exhibit A), + not even sure this beast in a reindeer (DNA tests under review). Last spotted in NEW YORK CITY's Central Park !
reinDeer REJECT_14, Disqualifications: Where do I start? As is the case with contestant #13, much, muCH, MUCH too LARGE, in addition to being of the robot variety- A SIMPLE SET OF ANTLERS DOTH NOT MAKE A REINDEER! Last spotted near the Parthenon in Athens, Greece!
reinDeer REJECT_11, Disqualifications: FAR too many spots (which he's believed to have stolen off of a car in Kirkland, WA), nostrils too far apart, and antlers grown in a much too haphazard pattern! Last spotted near the Parthenon in Beijing, China!
reinDeer REJECT_12b, Disqualifications: Color of coat does not fit within specifications of Santa's handbook, spots distracting to other reindeer, and (in his words) much too 'gangsta' for the team. Last spotted @ Gas Works Park in Seattle, WA.
reinDeer REJECT_12a, Disqualifications: Generally too plain, scrawny antlers, unfit, and lacking in enthusiasm.
reinDeer REJECT_15, Disqualifications: Oi. Where do I start? Unsanctioned placement of antlers, overweight, color of coat well outside of the legal range, disrespectful of others' property, and just too dang ornery. Last spotted terrorizing tourists between Granada and Sevilla, Spain.
reinDeer REJECT_06, Disqualifications: Perpetrator of tomFoolery in the 1st degree, 5 too many tail curls, and likely infected with some sort of parasite. Last spotted frolicking with elves in Santorini, Greece.
reinDeer REJECT_group_19, Disqualifications: Ah, where do I start? oh yeah- THESE AREN'T REINDEER AT ALL! THEY'RE FISH WITH ANTLERS! GET OUTTA HERE!
reinDeer REJECT_16, Disqualifications: One too many legs, FAR too many fins,and an unsavory color to boot. Last spotted skipping across the Vltava River in Prague, Czech. Republic.
reinDeer REJECT_07, Disqualifications: Extremely careless, and relies heavily on flatulence and and extra set of legs for flight-- Both of which are clearly outlawed for Santa's team in the handbook (he should be ashamed). Last seen flying high over Lisbon, Portugal.


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